i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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