You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
