Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
