There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
