apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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