Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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