Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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