I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
