I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
