Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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