Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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