He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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