I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
