does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
