No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
