I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
