I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
