So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
