He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize