Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize