I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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