You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
