I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
