i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
