Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
