I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
