I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
