I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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