Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He shit in the fireplace
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
