in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
