he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize