the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
