I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
