I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
