You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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