I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
BRING THE BAGELS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
