every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
