i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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