what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
