My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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