I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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