yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
