Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize