flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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