Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
