State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
