We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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