He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
