I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
