She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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