I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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