a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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