How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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