Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
