so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
