I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
