did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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