Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
