just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
