so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
