I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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