i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
BRING THE BAGELS
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
