I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
