And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
