Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
