Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
