Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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