eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
