I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
