Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize