i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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