they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize