No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
