I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
