Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
