don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
