Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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