Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
