Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
