Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
