i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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