I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish you could order shots online.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
