Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
