I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
