Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
