man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
