yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
