I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he thought i was a dude.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
