First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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