Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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