1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
