a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
