I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
