is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
