Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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