I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
