just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
