matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was born a porn star she said
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
