What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize